Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
