I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
