Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
