This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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