i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize