I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish you could order shots online.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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