member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
