Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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