there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i've created a new STD.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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