I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
