omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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