Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
