What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
