the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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