how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
