flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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