why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
