Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
