dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Sponge bath it is.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
