Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
