I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
