It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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