Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
