My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
