It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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