You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
