when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
