$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
