Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it was like eating out sand paper
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
