so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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