you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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