You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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