Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
