He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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