So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
please come you make the beer taste better
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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