Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
