i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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