It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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