i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
