The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize