one might say we're banned from that church
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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