Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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