but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
