let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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