I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
