apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
