I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
