My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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