Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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