were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
