my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
