why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
