Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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