My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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