just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize