I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
