This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
