Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
