So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
