At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
