I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Floor bacon is actually really good
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
