My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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