Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize