Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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