I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
