WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
