it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
