Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
