He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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