I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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